Enabling behaviors ultimately perpetuate the problem by protecting or safeguarding a person against experiencing the full consequences of their actions. Supporting someone empowers the person to take active steps in their recovery. Oftentimes, when a loved one is ill or in recovery, it’s difficult to find a balance between providing support and giving space. You may even find yourself struggling with the desire to control their behaviors.
Types of Enablers
It’s not easy for someone with substance abuse problems to avoid drugs or tootsie drug pink alcohol. Keeping alcohol or other drugs accessible can make it difficult for someone with an addiction. Enabling isn’t helpful for you or the partner, child, or friend you’re enabling.
What Is an Enabler? 11 Ways to Recognize One
And on some level, you know that your enabling isnt helping (or maybe its even causing more problems). Enablers do not like or feel OK with what the enabled person is doing. To the contrary, enablers are often the ones most affected by, and most disturbed by, the negative behaviors of the enabled person. They feel extremely anxious about the destructive consequences that the enabled person could face.
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Your therapist might use a method called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Seeking help from a couple’s therapist can also support the transition from unhealthy to healthy behaviors in your current relationship. People in codependent relationships often have a pattern of codependency and may seek out people to “fix” or enable. Codependency and enabling share similarities, such as unhealthy boundaries. This can be especially evident when one partner in a relationship is dealing with SUD. She offered some questions that can be helpful to ask yourself if you think your support might’ve crossed over into enabling territory.
By examining the nuanced aspects of enabling, you’re taking a significant step towards fostering healthier relationships and supporting meaningful recovery for your loved one. Furthermore, the concept of enabling extends beyond the individual level. Societal structures and cultural norms can also play a role in sustaining addiction. Recognizing these broader implications is vital for creating an environment that supports recovery rather than unknowingly perpetuating harmful patterns. If you recognize some of the signs of enabling in your relationship, there are steps that you can take to address the issue. Finding ways to empower your loved one instead of enabling them can help them work toward recovering from their addiction.
This may allow the unhealthy behavior to continue, even if you believe a conflict-free environment will help the other person. When someone you care about engages in unhealthy behavior, it can be natural to make excuses for them or cover up their actions as a way to protect them. Support groups like Al-Anon may be useful for people whose loved ones are living with addiction. And talk therapy, Dr. Borland suggests, can be helpful for anyone who finds themselves in an enabling situation or who could benefit from developing assertiveness. But in an enabling relationship, a person who’s used to being enabled will come to expect your help.
- You’ve supported HuffPost before, and we’ll be honest — we could use your help again.
- Furthermore, enabling can create a culture of denial within the family unit.
- But what my cousin–and those like her–was doing was not helping.
- One partner is commonly driven by wanting to help — or control — their partner or the situation.
This, of course, is harder if you insinuate that their behaviors are acceptable by blaming others. The path out of enabling prioritizes your health and needs. While there may be tough moments where you feel like you’re abandoning your loved one, not enabling is better for them — and you. If their offers for help are turned down, it can cause distress and resentment. Sometimes, the person receiving extra support starts demanding even more from the codependent person. Enabling is a behavior, while codependency is a way of behaving in a relationship.